Grieving a Loss

Grief is a natural emotional reaction to a loss. It is an expression of the sorrow we feel. In addition to grieving after the death of a loved one, we react to other losses with grief. People will grieve after a divorce or a break-up with a partner, or the loss of a friendship. We will grieve for our pets who have passed away. We grieve for relationships that have gone astray. If we have been seriously injured or have experienced changes in our health, we are likely to grieve the normal, robust life we used to have.

While there is no universal formula or prescription of how to grieve, here are some ideas that you might find helpful in the grieving process:

Grieving is individual: Every person deals with grief in their own unique way. There is no right way to grieve. We all grieve a bit differently from each other, and your way is just fine.

Do not minimize your loss: Your feelings matter. Being “strong” doesn’t honor your hurt. If your burden feels big, that’s because it IS big. The size of your hurt indicates the importance of the relationship you are grieving.

Let yourself feel!  If you pretend that everything is ok, that could make life harder for you. It’s difficult to let yourself feel hurt and broken-hearted, but it puts you on the road to feeling better.

Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting: As you move forward in your life, and your grief starts to lessen, you will see that it is possible to feel better and still remember with caring and compassion.

Talk with people who care about you: Sharing your hurt is a very helpful way to work on healing. We are social beings and feel soothed when we are connected to others. In addition, the people who care about us want to be there for us.

Allow for some laughter: It’s good to remember the things that you love and encourage yourself to do them. It’s helpful to find some laughter and playfulness in your life. This is a time when you need to treat yourself gently and be open to comfort and enjoyment when you can.

Recognizing the importance of your feelings: It is understandable that you wish these difficult feelings would go away, but it’s important to remember that they are real, and they are an honest presentation of your experience. Recognizing your feelings is really a way to honor yourself. It will help make it easier for you to move ahead in your life over time.

Give yourself time and space to grieve: With busy schedules, it’s easy to forget to check in and see how you’re feeling. This is particularly true when you’re dealing with the unpleasant feelings associated with loss.  It is important for you to make time for yourself to feel your sorrow and not have to account for it.

Supporting the person who is grieving: If you know someone who is grieving, it is important that you let them know they aren’t alone. This can be difficult because we often aren’t sure of what to say to be comforting to someone who is hurting. You can do it! Just be a good listener. The mourner needs to be heard. The more opportunity you give someone to talk about their grief the more comforted they’ll feel.  A nod of understanding is a big act of support.

If you’d like to do this work with a therapist, the Heartwork Counseling Center is here for you. We offer grief counseling and grief support from our trained psychotherapists. Book an appointment.